myself
I think there's something wrong with me, something in my head doesn't work quite right. I've been looking for years trying to find something that made sense but I always feel like an insult to those who genuinely suffer from these illnesses and disorders.
I am not the only person in my head, I think if I had to guess there'd be a handful. I am never entirely certain on who I am or how I feel, I cant think for too long because my brain starts to hurt and I get nervous. My body has never directly felt like mine, I feel like I'm observing myself from a distance, I'm watching someone else live my life and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't do anything to control myself, I don't know why I act the way I do half of the time, I feel like I'm losing it.
Everytime something bad happens to me, I get really stressed or go through something, I feel like I lose a part of myself. My memory has always been horrible, but more so as of late. I think it's all the stress I've been under from my mother and my personal life but I'm not sure. I wish for one day I could be certain on myself, my identity, who I am. No name ever feels right, I feel like I'm chasing a person who doesn't exist anymore. I'm a husk of myself, whoever I was died a long time ago and I don't know who's body I inhabit anymore. My memories aren't mine and I'd do anything to go back home.
Good things about today:
- I had chicken & tofu pasta salad for dinner and it was really good
- I hung out with my friends and bought a cool shirt