relationships
today was really good actually. i went out into the city with my friend and we went to a bunch of different shops. i bought a neat little zombie poster, twd collectibles and a blur cd :-) theres this small k-pop popup event going on for the next week or so and i went to it today, i don't really listen to or indulge in as much k-pop as i used to but it was a really nice experience getting to go there myself and physically purchase an album. i bought a tws one hoping to pull youngjae and got double kyungmin, which i was kinda bummed about but you know what can you do.
this is really embarrassing for me to say, i realy like hanging out with my friends but for some reason my head isn't capable of properly understanding the difference between liking someone platonically and romantically. like obviously i can tell when me and someone are just friends, but i can never tell if the way i feel about someone is purely platonic or if i do like them. i don't think i've ever really been able to tell the two apart. i always feel so left out especially as a teenager with friends who have crushes or boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever. i don't think i've ever truly been in a proper relationship. i've been in some for sure but nothing that fits the general consensus of a relationship, idk how to really explain it. i hear my friends talk about the people they're crushing on and i wish i could really experience that. i really wish i had a boyfriend but i'm convinced at this point i'll never have one, i don't think someone is capable of liking me like that. it's so embarrassing to know i'm gonna go through my teenage years without someone like that. i feel so left out. idk. i just really want a boyfriend im sorry sue me i'm so lonely but i feel like im so high maintenance and annoying and codependent and like i just have no clue what anyone could ever see in me to want to date me Oh my god. Maybe if i keep hoping itll happen. whatever. i have so much love in my heart that i hope to share with someone special one day :-) goodnight world